Part Two: The Return Begins

I did not expect healing to start in the kitchen. I have done the inner work. The rituals. The reiki. The breath. The shadow. I have sat in silence and I have screamed in the woods. But today there was a realization of what I had left behind.

It is not just the act of cooking. It is the experience, the sensuality, the deep primal need to be nourished. Something inside of me whispered, I remember this. I remember who I was here.

Cooking was never just about food. It was my way of anchoring myself. I cooked to grieve. I cooked to love. I cooked to feel useful. I cooked to explore. When I lost that rhythm, I lost something steady. I began eating whatever was fast. I stopped plating food beautifully. I stopped lighting candles. I stopped singing in the kitchen.

That absence crept into everything.

This morning I noticed how often I ask what is the most efficient way. How often is it about satisfying everyone except myself? I noticed how little I actually taste food, I just race through the entire process. But this was not just about food. It was about Life.

So I decided to reclaim the moments.

I treated a trip to the grocery store as an event rather than a task. I went to a beautifully laid out store, not just the closest one. I left the list at home and I let the fruits and vegetables show me what I needed; color, flavor, sweet, or tangy. I took my time.

I brought the same intention and attention to preparing and serving the food. It wasn’t an attempt to recreate my chef days. It was about restoring my natural state. It was about rewriting the burnout I experienced as the end of my catering business and allowing the chef in me to continue to love to be delighted by food.

I know now that healing is not always about going into the deep darkness of your shadow. Sometimes it is salt and olive oil. A wooden spoon. A quiet moment of beauty you choose to create just for yourself.

Part Three is coming soon.
If you are walking through a season of reconnection, you are not alone.

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Part Three: She’s Still With Me

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Part One: When the Fire Went Out