My Transformational Year - Part 2

It gets darker before it gets lighter.

There was this sense that something had been taken away from me. Suddenly I wasn't having the interactions, the response, the conversations and I couldn't figure out what had shifted so drastically. I was still putting myself out there, I was still doing the work, I was trying new things and old things. And still the silence was getting louder and the time since my last sale was stretching out even further.

I began to have arguments with myself.

"You asked for a sign, here it is, nobody wants what you are selling. It's time to do something else."
"If it is time to do something else, why do I still want this so badly?"
"Maybe you aren't meant to sell your work, just paint for yourself."
"I can't just give up, there's value to my work, people are moved by it."
"You can keep throwing money at your business. It has turned into a ridiculously expensive hobby. It's time to find a real job."

Strangely the more that negative voice persisted the louder and more stubbornly I heard myself say. "But I WANT THIS!"

And the tears would flow when I thought about really shutting the whole thing down. Something in me knew I had more to give.

So what was holding me back? Why did it feel like a struggle, like I was blocked? And how could I find the joy in painting again and actually let go of all the expectations of being a working Artist?