My Transformational Year - Part 4

I think it is partly vanity. That desire to remain a full time Artist.
Taking a seasonal job in October felt like the final nail in the coffin. Like I gave up. Like I didn't have what it takes.
At first.
But then it felt good. Like I could have stability and freedom at the same time.
So I extended the seasonal job past the holiday season. I let it give my weeks structure. I let it give me another purpose.
But I still wasn't painting.
I told myself that I could divide my week between the two but I still wasn't going to the studio.
I still had no idea if I should keep at it.
I got frustrated with myself for not showing up in the studio.
I still felt a bit lost and stuck in doing things the way I always had.
And then stuck in disappointment.

Two things shifted that.
The first was asking my agent to more fully represent me. To take all of my work under her banner so that I could let go of the stress of trying to create marketing only to feel that wasn't landing. I thought this might give me the freedom so I could focus on making better work. And she said yes!
It felt like I could breathe again, a huge weight lifted, my mind suddenly was so much quieter.
The second was a longer process. I did it without realizing the effect it would have on my practice. And it was quite a bit messier...